Motoring: Jeremy Clarkson

[Topper Harley]

<!--quoteo-->QUOTE<!--quotec-->Alfa Romeo 147 GTA
When you sit in a Focus RS or a Golf R32 it’s like sitting in a commercial for Lynx aftershave. When you sit in a 147 GTA it’s like sitting in a Venetian’s hand-made suitcase


Audi A3
Sure, it’s not fast. Audi says in the adverts that the A3 has fire in its eyes but, take it from me, there’s none in its belly. Put your foot down at 70 in sixth and absolutely nothing happens


Audi A8
In recent years this has been the car of choice for anyone who wanted to hide his cash under a bushel. It didn’t have the brashness of a BMW or the opulence of a Mercedes. It was subtle, handsome, discreet, tasteful. And not very good


BMW 730d SE
Naturally, I hated the engine. I simply cannot understand why anyone paying £50,000 would want to specify a diesel. That’s like buying a big house and fitting a mangle instead of a washing machine


BMW M3 convertible
I’m hard pressed to think of a worse way to spend £50,000. I’d rather give it to the government, or take my family on an all expenses paid trip to Tel Aviv


Bristol Blenheim 3G
Not only did the switches appear to have been lifted from my grandad's mahogany gramophone, but it seems they'd been positioned on the dashboard in a team-building game of pin the tail on the donkey


Caterham Seven Roadsport SV
I’ve always assumed that a car like this would feel like an extension of your hands and feet, but it’s the other way round. I felt like a part of it, an organic component — but a component nevertheless


Clio Renaultsport V6 255
With so much grip and so much power, it’s a riot to drive. I mean, 0 to 62 in 5.8sec. In a Clio. And a top speed of 153mph. That’s insane


Daihatsu Charade
So, good engine and good value for money, where’s the drawback? Well, it’s not what you’d call a large car. I’ve seen bigger handbags, in fact. But that’s okay


Ferrari 575M
The Ferrari 575M's interior is not much cop and it still looks like a Supra, but it’s just so fast - even with a ridiculous paddle-shift gearbox it does 0 to 60 in 4.2 seconds and the top speed is 202mph


Ferrari F355 GTS
"In terms of grip, handling and poise, the 355 was Torvill and Dean. A clean sweep of perfect sixes" - Jeremy steps into his Ferrari F355 for the last time as he prepares to give it away in The Sunday Times



Ford Focus RS
In a recent test the RS lapped Goodwood faster than a Subaru Impreza WRX. That's astonishing, especially as the Ford does not have four-wheel drive


Ford Fusion
The Ford Fusion isn’t a tall car at all. It’s a Ford Fiesta on 2in stilts, and that’s like putting Tom Cruise in platform shoes


Ford Mondeo 1.8 SCi Ghia
It’s comfortable, spacious, surprisingly well made and much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it, if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under the tweed. I do, and it helps


Ford Mustang
The greatest car of them all also has the greatest name, and next year an all-new Mustang is due to be launched to commemorate the 40th anniversary


Honda Accord 2.0 Sport
Honda admits that customers for the new Accord will be between 40 and 50 years old, married, male and in middle to upper management. Dull, in other words. But that's fine. Dull is the new interesting


Hummer H2
I loved it. The door handles are such as you would find on an old barn, the tow hooks seem to have been lifted from a Boer war cart, and the gearlever looks exactly like the throttle on an F-15


Jaguar XKR
God it's fast - if this car were a murderer it would slide a stiletto into the back of your neck and be gone before you’d hit the ground


Jaguar XKR-R
The noise was the bastard love child of Steve McQueen and a TVR. The handling was BMW M5. The steering was Ferrari 456. The brakes ruptured my spleen. Holy mother of Christ, it was good


Kia Sorento
This car wasn’t designed to be the best 4x4 in the world, or even the most comfortable. It’s automotive KFC, a light bulb with reclining seats, a consumer good with the personality of a caravan site


LTI TXII London taxi
This week my respect for cabbies eased up a
notch when I drove a new TXII. Holy mother of
Mary and sweet Jesus. If you thought cabs were uncomfortable in the back you should try the front


Lamborghini Gallardo
It changes direction like a fly, grips like a barnacle and goes like a jet fighter on combat power. At one point I saw 175mph on the clock and there was plenty more to come


Lamborghini Murciélago / Aston Martin Vanquish / Pagani Zonda
It has always been easy to define a supercar. It’s idiotic and it has no practical purpose whatsoever - it's more a kinetic art form than a car


Lotus Elise
With the new model, the engineers changed the suspension and fitted narrower front tyres so that now it behaves just like a Golf


Mazda RX-8
This is a very good car with an exceptional engine. But the whole point of a coupé is to bring a bit of style to your humdrum hairdo, and on that front the RX-8 is a bit questionable


Mercedes E-class estate
It is not only the fastest diesel on the market but also, by some considerable margin, the best. Every time you press a button or move a lever, you reel back in astonishment thinking, "God that’s good"


Mercedes SL55 AMG
The AMG SL is used as a safety car at Formula One grands prix, and if you listen carefully when it's out on the track you can actually hear it


Mitsubishi Airtrek Turbo-R
What you’re looking at here is a Mitsubishi Lancer Evo VII in an overcoat. You sit there in that dull cabin not quite believing how sharp the turn-in is and how much grip you get, wet or dry. Believe me, you could make your children very sick indeed in this car


Mitsubishi Evo Vlll and the Subaru Impreza STi
Many believe these cars give ordinary, everyday motorists a flavour of what it might be like to drive a fully fledged world championship rally car. Sadly, this isn't the case


Morgan Plus 8
With most cars we concern ourselves with the all-important ability to sprint from 0 to 60. But this did something far more impressive: it took me backwards 70 years in 2.5sec


Noble M12 GT0-3R
This doesn’t accelerate when you press the pedal. It explodes. It’s faster than a Carrera 2, but it’s not a Porsche… it’s built from plastic in South Africa and assembled on an industrial in Leicestershire


Overfinch Range Rover 580s
I know £17,000 is a huge amount to spend on eight big pistons and a crankshaft you'll never see, but the results are spectacularly good fun. It’s like being in a tallboy that’s been fired from a steam catapult


Peugeot 206 GTI
I must confess, I found myself driving this pocket rocket much faster than was entirely sensible. And I loved it. By the time I arrived I felt 18 years old again


Porsche Boxster S
The driver and the prissy sissy understudy looks might suggest otherwise but this, trust me, is a proper, proper sports car, as light as Kylie’s pants and as delicate as what’s in them


Porsche Carrera GT
I’ve been in some pretty fast machinery over the years but nothing prepared me for this – even at 175mph there was no let-up, no sense of the engine having to fight the headwind


Range Rover
My silver V8 has had a short but violent life and I’m delighted to tell you that nothing has gone wrong. Sadly that’s not the case with a colleague's double R - that one’s cupholder has become "a bit loose"


Renault Espace 2.2 dCi
It is an immensely good-looking car and the ride is up there in a comfort zone way beyond Mercedes and Bentley. But what is the point when you can’t even fit a ping-pong bat in the back?


Rolls-Royce Phantom
Unlike any other Roller from the past hundred years, this one looks like it might kick your head in, for fun. Especially in black. In a pale colour or silver, it looks like Vinnie Jones in one of Graham Norton's T-shirts


Saab 9-3
In the past, Saabs have had a distinctive look with their wraparound windscreens and enormous bumpers. But this new 9-3 is as obtrusive as Heather McCartney’s prosthetic leg


Seat Leon Cupra R
The Seat Leon Cupra R is billed as the fastest car ever built in Spain. But that’s like being the best chocolate maker in Egypt... Underneath it's a VW, which is good. On top it's Spanish, and that's not


Skoda Octavia VRS
It’s not so long ago that a Skoda had its engine at the back and a swing axle that would steer you into the nearest tree if you so much as thought about going round a corner. Now things are different...


Skoda Superb
No matter how many times we're told differently, Skoda is still the crappiest badge that money can buy. Telling people you have one marks you out as someone with no style at all


Smart Roadster
I should make it plain, in the interests of fairness, that I have neither driven the Smart Roadster nor even seen one. But I do have the photographs and I do have the statistics


Subaru Forester
Give this car a knife and it could gut a fox. Give it a gun and it could pick off a rabbit from 1,000 yards. Give it a twisting road and it’ll leave you breathless


TVR T350C
You may only get 3.6 litres and no forced induction, but you end up with a better power-to-weight ratio than you get from a Lamborghini Murcielago


TVR Tuscan R
This might come as a bit of a surprise but I don't know very many people in the car industry. I keep them at arm's length


VW Golf R32
Ask it to power slide and it looks at you as if you’ve invited it for a threesome with the vicar. Ask it to change direction suddenly and the steering jams up like it’s got arthritis


Vauxhall Astra GSI
I have to say that at £16,495 it is good value. And it has a profile that’s mean and menacing thanks to lowered suspension. It's good value and good looking. Okay. Got that? Good, because the rest of the Astra GSi is awful


Volvo S60 R
In the past I’ve never really seen the point of the S60. Buying one was like deliberately sleeping with the plain, boring girl rather than her bubbly, pretty German friend. But the R version with its new nose and big alloy wheels is pretty too...<!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd-->

[palmPilote]

Y'en a des pas mal [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/ph34r.gif[/img]

[Cloe]

[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/vert.gif[/img] Soooooooooooo bristish [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/vert.gif[/img]